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Spider-Man 3 on Wii…the review that should not be.

June 1, 2007

spiderman-wii-fucking-sucks.jpg I’ve played some lame games. I mean I have played all text based RPGs on C64 and hated them less than this piece of shit known as Spider-Man 3 on wii. PS1 had better models. The character models jump and bug out in freaking game engine cut scenes. Peter looked like someone squeezed him and his eyes popped out. My dog licking his nuts for 5 minutes straight sounds more like Mary Jane than the voice actor did.

Web slinging was the coolest part but the nunchuck didn’t play its part well enough to even consider using so you have to resort to on arm swinging like your trying to beat your meat and can’t quite deliver. And then, just when your forearm is about to (explode since you can’t) you have to fight. You can lay 3 punches, and then you have to take a punch. No matter what the combo, you have to get hit. Bruce Campbell’s commentary was all the game had going for it. The characters in the game would say something and Spidey would say some shit that was so far out of context it got lost like Rollin.

Good GRIEF, can’t they make a third party game worth $50 on this damned system??

Look, Spider-Man 1 was a solid game. Loved it. Spidey 2 was even better as a GTA superhero sim though it was a little hollow, but this shit can’t even be considered a demo. It needs at least 2 more years before it can be considered a buyable game. By the time I got the black suit I was laughing with insanity at the fact this game was ever released to this world. I took this game back to Movie Gallery and basically told the clerk everything I just told you. He said I should (with a bored face) go grab another game.

I am going to format my Wii’s hard drive to rid myself of proof I ever played that game. I am going to format it faster than a hard drive with Windows Vista Preinstalled.

On a lighter not Prince of Persia on Wii kicks serious ass. It may just be another port with tacked on controls but it actually rocks. When I end up in hell, I will have to play Spider-Man 3 on Wii for all eternity.

Ever so spiteful.




2 Comments leave one →
  1. June 1, 2007 1:41 pm

    On a somehow related note…

    IGN gave Spiderman 3 on DS its Game-of-the-Month award, adding that it is the best version on any of the other platforms! I checked out some gameplay videos, and it looks sweet! Amazingly, the graphics look better on DS than on Wii, considering the resolution!

    IGN also mentions the stylus control of Spidey is pretty solid, so I think I’ll consider this one over any other version.

    Lately, my DS has been taking up all my gaming time (Pokémon, Etrian Odyssey, Mario vs. Donkey Kong 2, to name a few) over any other platform… while my Wii has been gathering dust.

    At least we’ll have Metroid Prime 3, eventually…

  2. frisby permalink
    June 1, 2007 6:19 pm

    You know, It did look really awesome. I feel so much better now that I got to rant. The linear gameplay of the DS is a little bit different but I could use a good stylus game again.

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