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Give the kid a quarter, he may kill you

February 19, 2007

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Growing up in an arcade I knew the basic rules of survival.

1. Never Play on a machine you are not actually playing on.

This rule seems to have lost all meaning these days since kids will walk up to an arcade machine and act like they are playing and sometimes make their own sound effects too.

2. Never rub another mans rhubarb.

Don’t get up in someones stuff while they are trashing an arcade machine. Its rude and you ruin the gamer’s chi. Respect the gamers the way you wish to be respected.

3. Don’t f*$&# around on the equipment.

How often do you see kids banging on arcade joysticks? How often do you play a game and mysteriously can’t move to the right at all? Smacking peoples’ children should be very much legal.

4. Don’t ask ANYONE for quarters/tokens.

This is where the story comes in. I’ve been asked for tokens by many a children. Like I didn’t bring my quarters to play video games. Like I don’t already have an allotted amount of money set for Dance Dance and a little left over for Defender 2. Come on, I am not going to hand out my tokens like I am Father Christmas. Tiny Tim can kiss my ass, I have some Silent Scope to play.

What if the kid then jumped on your back while you were bent over looking through the scope of the rifle, pulled out a shank and slit your thought, reached down in the bloody hole in your neck and pulled your tounge [out], then rummaged through your pockets, took your tokens and ran over to get to the 11th banana level in Pac Man…

Obsesive adult gamers scare the living shit out of me.

Kids will kill you for tokens, this is an all new game my friends. Always pack heat and look over your shoulder when you’re playing that big rig game. You may just get shanked.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 20, 2007 6:33 pm

    Only in Japan, my friend, only in Japan….

  2. February 20, 2007 6:56 pm

    should i change Christian Bale to an asian dude?

  3. February 21, 2007 11:34 am

    Wait… you mean Chris Bale is NOT Asian??

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