Virtual Console Triple Review Part 1 – SMB2 The Lost Levels

So my wife’s birthday rolls by and I take very long day off, During the festivities and all day fun I decide to drop $20 on the VC. It’s been a while. I will divide this into 3 reviews. So what games do I burn the credits on?

Game #1: Super Mario Bros 2 – The Lost Levels.

So lets get this out of the way first off. If any fan boys want to bust a nut while typing “The Super Mario Brother’s 2 is the real Mario 2″ All I can say is yes, it is real. It’s a REAL piece of shit.

So the programmers took off where the original Shiggy masterpiece ended…in another 8 levels of SMB Mario. I know the story of why Nintendo rigged Doki Doki Panic with SMB sprites, and it was not because SMB2 was hard, it was because it was a shitty sequel and sucked balls. Find out why after the jump

Watch the original Superman The Movie. Then watch Superman Returns. It’s the same movie but one has better CG. Now imagine if they redid Superman Returns to look not only like the original Superman The Movie, but made it obvious that the creators just did not give shit this time around.

While playing this game I saw 3 Koopas embedded in bricks, vines disappear 8 times, I was stuck in a cloud sliding along twice, and I got ripped off on jumps horribly. For some reason you slide like Mario switched from Nike to WalMart shoes, you have no Co-Op at all (your either Mario or Luigi, Toad still says the same shit, and for some reason Bloopers can fly. That’s right! Lets make a new game, not introduce any new characters, the only power up enchantment is a mushroom of death, and then just use the old sprites in levels where it makes no sense. Same 4 songs too.

Hey to mix it up lets add some bugs and warps that take you back to the 1st level! You can’t go back, so you approach warp all excited and then the number 1 appears. You can’t go back, but sometimes there is a death pit in the corner.

Just talking about this game makes me exhausted. I really enjoyed the American Mario 2 because it was different. I don’t care if Nintendo pulled a fast one on me because I feel that this game hurt the franchise. It was like a college in Japan let random students design levels and make them into a Mario game.

Anyway, there is a $1 tax on this game that us Americans must pay so we can play for the first time. Well, the original non-rom or “All-Stars” updated version.

Also, though I bitch a lot in this review, the game still has a quality about it that makes you want to play it more. Like many shitty NES games, you take the glitches and lameness as a challenge to overcome the unintended obstacles and shake off the bad programming. The games is still playable and has many secrets. Just be prepared to be annoyed.

In fact, I am going to go play it now.

frisby